Relationship.
I know that there are people who look down on Micah's and my relationship. I can honestly say that I am okay with that. I am grateful for a loving God, who pursues both of us exactly as we are, and His glory is being carried out in our relationship.
I've heard, "A [significant other] ought to make you want to be the best person you can be," or
"A [significant other] ought to make want to be a better person."
"A [significant other] ought to make you a better person."
"A [significant other] is meant to make you more like Jesus."
Now, if looking at all these things together, it makes sense. The best I can be, it's like Jesus. A better person...well, Jesus was the best person. However, it's not the significant other who has the work to ever change anything about us, how we function. Only God has the power to do that.
I am blessed. I have been grateful for Micah's imperfections because they urge me to deeper reliance upon my Abba. Just as Jesus has the same nature as the Father but did not act apart from His Father's lead, so I am formed to be. If I try to accept and control Micah's perfections and/or imperfections by my own power, I will become depressed, irritable, miserable, and quite repulsive to Micah. Therefore, his imperfections move my heart to even greater relationship, humility, and gratitude.
Even so, I have been wanting to be so full of God's power for Micah--so strong and without weakness. But I am blessed that Micah is such a gentle, understanding man. By a conversation Micah and I had the other day, the Spirit was so sweet to let me understand that my imperfections are good for our relationship too! "Give thanks in all circumstances..." Not only do Micah's imperfections allow me to constantly enter into a place of humble worship, but my imperfections bid Micah become more like Christ as well!
"Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay his life down for his friends." John 15.13
As I am openly honest with Micah about my weaknesses, he accepts the call to deny himself for my gain. That is love. And it is love given by our perfect, heavenly Father.
Lessons I'm learning in my new journey as an exchanged life counselor:
KEEP IT SIMPLE, SILLY! I like to try and put all of the information into one, big explanation of one of the components within the diagrams I'll be using. One step at a time. Keep each explanation as simple as possible. I don't have to be clever, it just matters that I allow God to provide the most basic and clear explanation of each step.
When someone has read the wheel and line "summary" and immediately has questions, it is best for me to suggest that they think about it, pray about it, and keep any questions for when we meet together. I had a friend call with questions, and I realized that they were immaterial before talking with him in detail. He was trying to assume the data without accepting the already drawn conclusion.
Christ is my first love. I am committed to helping others discover this truth. Therefore, I am willing to give of my time and energy. However, I do not want to neglect Micah in the process. I must daily surrender my time to God so that He may perfectly manage it.
It is okay for me to want to share this with specific people. Father will provide the people who want/need to hear this message. Jesus' trust in me can trust the Father's provision. Jesus will also trust the Spirit to illumine hearts in His timing, and that it will be perfect.
Oh man, I am eager to see God work in lives through this!!
KEEP IT SIMPLE, SILLY! I like to try and put all of the information into one, big explanation of one of the components within the diagrams I'll be using. One step at a time. Keep each explanation as simple as possible. I don't have to be clever, it just matters that I allow God to provide the most basic and clear explanation of each step.
When someone has read the wheel and line "summary" and immediately has questions, it is best for me to suggest that they think about it, pray about it, and keep any questions for when we meet together. I had a friend call with questions, and I realized that they were immaterial before talking with him in detail. He was trying to assume the data without accepting the already drawn conclusion.
Christ is my first love. I am committed to helping others discover this truth. Therefore, I am willing to give of my time and energy. However, I do not want to neglect Micah in the process. I must daily surrender my time to God so that He may perfectly manage it.
It is okay for me to want to share this with specific people. Father will provide the people who want/need to hear this message. Jesus' trust in me can trust the Father's provision. Jesus will also trust the Spirit to illumine hearts in His timing, and that it will be perfect.
Oh man, I am eager to see God work in lives through this!!
09.22.2011
No longer much of a nomad. Not physically anyway. My mind does wander from place to place, going where it finds value.I am taking classes now. I am enjoying the information. I very much enjoy the information, though the class format/style may not be my favorite at times. I am grateful that in a world of A.D.D. with its numerous distractions such as a smart phone, I am having to force myself to learn the discipline of sitting and reading more than a paragraph or two, then moving on to whatever wants to capture my attention next.
In one of my texts, I read that self-consciousness is a gift that God has given us. Now, this was profound...and...oh-so-FREEing for me!! All of the lies I'd been believing about my own self-counsciousness (recently, specifically) had to let my neck loose, and I could inhale. You see, I had never put much clear consideration into self-consciousness, but I had considered it one of hell's curses. But how true, that it is a gift that God has given us! Through it, we are able to consider all of the truth of who we are. Who we are is based on WHOSE we are. It makes perfect sense that this gift God gave us, Satan wants to use as a target of deception and doubt. Wow. Wow, wow.
This part of the tale is in a new setting. I'm excited to share as I walk along classrooms of coffee shops, parks, houses. I trust that the eyes led to this will also be blessed.
Grace. Peace.
Love and Lost
Why so many articles or wise words about losing loved ones recently, I wonder? I don't like it. It's not the most trusting of situations. It's definitely an area where I lack in my full trust. Sometimes the idea of going on to be with my Father does not concern me at all. Sometimes, like right now, however, I do not like the idea of moving into the eternal world.
I do like the way C.S. Lewis portrayed heaven. I like that. I like thinking that I'll recognize the uniqueness of each spirit that I've ever known. A friend recently said to me, "I want to find restoration with my brothers and my parents...I think relationships are eternal." I believe that friend's words were inspired from heavenly wisdom. I could be wrong, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't make any difference. It brings me peace, and Jesus is peace. : )
I am finding some enjoyment in theatre again. That's nice. However, I am missing my days of hikes and long walks...but the cicadas are prohibiting me from doing that anyway!!! Hm...maybe the cicadas are actually a gift. They keep me wanting to be inside, allowing me to enjoy rehearsals, instead of wishing I were out wandering in the woods.
I do like the way C.S. Lewis portrayed heaven. I like that. I like thinking that I'll recognize the uniqueness of each spirit that I've ever known. A friend recently said to me, "I want to find restoration with my brothers and my parents...I think relationships are eternal." I believe that friend's words were inspired from heavenly wisdom. I could be wrong, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't make any difference. It brings me peace, and Jesus is peace. : )
I am finding some enjoyment in theatre again. That's nice. However, I am missing my days of hikes and long walks...but the cicadas are prohibiting me from doing that anyway!!! Hm...maybe the cicadas are actually a gift. They keep me wanting to be inside, allowing me to enjoy rehearsals, instead of wishing I were out wandering in the woods.
Waging War
I admit that I still struggle, at times, about the fact that there are so many women in this world who are much prettier than I am, according to temporary standards. I struggle with feeling somewhat inadequate around such women, or just the truth of the matter.
But I must say that the lies associated with that are becoming quieter and quieter. Hallelujah!! I went to a gathering for women who struggle with eating disorders of every type - named or unnamed - on Wednesday. It's completely truth-based, and it was amazing. I was so encouraged by what went on. Even in just a week, I am noticing how it has helped me to find even more freedom in this long-lived struggle of mine. This really is the most amazing my life has ever been. And I'm really not even doing anything in particular other than...just living and loving. It's definitely worthwhile. But I'm exhausted, so I'm going to sleep.
Love to all.
But I must say that the lies associated with that are becoming quieter and quieter. Hallelujah!! I went to a gathering for women who struggle with eating disorders of every type - named or unnamed - on Wednesday. It's completely truth-based, and it was amazing. I was so encouraged by what went on. Even in just a week, I am noticing how it has helped me to find even more freedom in this long-lived struggle of mine. This really is the most amazing my life has ever been. And I'm really not even doing anything in particular other than...just living and loving. It's definitely worthwhile. But I'm exhausted, so I'm going to sleep.
Love to all.
Another Gift from My Father
So I woke up this morning, completely determined to be very active in some quality solitude. 1) I wanted to go for a hike. I really didn't care where or what time, I just wanted to hike outside, in the woods, just God and me. 2) I thought a coffee shop might sound nice.
My schedule got pushed back because I realized that I needed to clean up the room in which I'm sleeping before randy taught a voice lesson later in the day. So I drove toward the only place I'd ever really been hiking in Nashville, which was "coincidentally" in the same direction as the coffee shop I was preferring on this particular day.
I decided to turn toward the park for a hike. I did not see the park as I drove by...it's been a few years, so I figured things could've changed. But I didn't turn around. I was very content with just driving, totally confident that Father was directing me, and would provide gas funding.
I drove for a while...even had to choose to turn R or L at one point, but sort of subconsciously chose R (really, it was the Spirit). I began to consider turning around when I saw a sign that read, "Hidden Lake Park {{{arrow pointing L}}}. And I thought, "I knew I was being directed." Not a minute up the road, there it was, the park. Quaint, but with a very visible walking trail. How loving was that of Father, right??? I got to walk on this wonderful path with a lovely stream that pretty much ran along the entire path. Just when I was considering stopping to take it all in, I looked ahead to see a bench - the first one on the trail! So I sat. And I wrote some poetry that I do believe the Spirit sang to me. Then I chose to put my journal away and head back. Right after I started walking, it started sprinkling. And I even ran a little bit - which I wasn't able to do yesterday. Obviously Father was prompting me to turn around and return because He knew the rains were coming!
Once I got in my truck and started driving, the shower got heavier. Supernaturally perfect timing, I do think so! Once I was in my truck and it was raining, I was texting and stuff....just kidding! Duh. ; )
I thought it was a really tender time, and it was so encouraging. It was the perfect timing for all of it. There is NO way that it wasn't all led by a perfectly loving Father. : )
My schedule got pushed back because I realized that I needed to clean up the room in which I'm sleeping before randy taught a voice lesson later in the day. So I drove toward the only place I'd ever really been hiking in Nashville, which was "coincidentally" in the same direction as the coffee shop I was preferring on this particular day.
I decided to turn toward the park for a hike. I did not see the park as I drove by...it's been a few years, so I figured things could've changed. But I didn't turn around. I was very content with just driving, totally confident that Father was directing me, and would provide gas funding.
I drove for a while...even had to choose to turn R or L at one point, but sort of subconsciously chose R (really, it was the Spirit). I began to consider turning around when I saw a sign that read, "Hidden Lake Park {{{arrow pointing L}}}. And I thought, "I knew I was being directed." Not a minute up the road, there it was, the park. Quaint, but with a very visible walking trail. How loving was that of Father, right??? I got to walk on this wonderful path with a lovely stream that pretty much ran along the entire path. Just when I was considering stopping to take it all in, I looked ahead to see a bench - the first one on the trail! So I sat. And I wrote some poetry that I do believe the Spirit sang to me. Then I chose to put my journal away and head back. Right after I started walking, it started sprinkling. And I even ran a little bit - which I wasn't able to do yesterday. Obviously Father was prompting me to turn around and return because He knew the rains were coming!
Once I got in my truck and started driving, the shower got heavier. Supernaturally perfect timing, I do think so! Once I was in my truck and it was raining, I was texting and stuff....just kidding! Duh. ; )
I thought it was a really tender time, and it was so encouraging. It was the perfect timing for all of it. There is NO way that it wasn't all led by a perfectly loving Father. : )
Short Trip Back Here
So I journeyed back to Nashville yesterday because I made sure I could be back for a rehearsal last night. Half way here, I got a message informing that rehearsal had been rescheduled for Monday. Since I was already half way here, I chose to keep on so that I can see Randy in The Three Musketeers because I won't get another chance to see it. So I'm back in Nashville, but I will be headed back to Cincinnati either tomorrow or Tuesday. We'll see how this cold goes. If the cold I have is still making me groggy, I will wait until later in the week.
So I was praying about going to help a dear friend in Virginia who is needing a little extra help in her home . The drive is pretty far, and tickets aren't the cheapest. So I prayed, "Father, if I am to go help, please provide the money because I do not have it to spend." Within a few days, I received a message from a beloved sister in Christ, asking if there was anything I needed (specifically regarding money). At this point, I did realize that I was running very low on money for myself, but I believed the Spirit was saying, "I am providing for the trip." Thanks to the love of our Father through a sweet, amazing woman of faith, I now have a plane ticket to Charlottesville, and I will be headed there on March 24th!
YAY!!!!
So I was praying about going to help a dear friend in Virginia who is needing a little extra help in her home . The drive is pretty far, and tickets aren't the cheapest. So I prayed, "Father, if I am to go help, please provide the money because I do not have it to spend." Within a few days, I received a message from a beloved sister in Christ, asking if there was anything I needed (specifically regarding money). At this point, I did realize that I was running very low on money for myself, but I believed the Spirit was saying, "I am providing for the trip." Thanks to the love of our Father through a sweet, amazing woman of faith, I now have a plane ticket to Charlottesville, and I will be headed there on March 24th!
YAY!!!!
Must Lose It To Find It
Well God's timing and ways are so beautiful. A couple of hours after my last blog, I checked my account...the unemployment back pay (about which I was given the impression I would not get) for 7 weeks had been deposited! How loving of Him, right?? O me of little faith.
I had such a fun night on Saturday. We had dinner at Lauren's, talked, sang and danced to karaoke in the living room. What a great way to spend the evening!! Bethany was here too, and that was amazing. Those two girls are two of the greatest people in my life. It honestly never matters how long it's been since we've seen each other, it's like no time passes.
Another really sweet thing Father did for me: the other day, I noticed that my body doesn't adjust to many hours of dancing as easily as it used to, and I thought, "Man, I could really use a massage...but I don't know of anyone that I can ask to massage my shoulders...It'd be really nice, but I really just can't afford one. It's not really something I need, I guess...it'd just be really nice to have some of this immense tension alleviated."
Well I started talking to one of Lauren's friends at the party, and I found out that she is almost done with massage school, has been told that she's really talented, and gave me her card so that I can get a free massage next week!! He's a really good Daddy. :)
I just found out that the wedding at which I'm singing in May is actually in Destin, not Cincinnati. So I'll be in Destin, FL the weekend of May 14th!! Wahoo!! I've never been. And I'll be staying at a beach house. Holla!!
I send my love to all of you, confident that the Lord is working out His will in you.
I had such a fun night on Saturday. We had dinner at Lauren's, talked, sang and danced to karaoke in the living room. What a great way to spend the evening!! Bethany was here too, and that was amazing. Those two girls are two of the greatest people in my life. It honestly never matters how long it's been since we've seen each other, it's like no time passes.
Another really sweet thing Father did for me: the other day, I noticed that my body doesn't adjust to many hours of dancing as easily as it used to, and I thought, "Man, I could really use a massage...but I don't know of anyone that I can ask to massage my shoulders...It'd be really nice, but I really just can't afford one. It's not really something I need, I guess...it'd just be really nice to have some of this immense tension alleviated."
Well I started talking to one of Lauren's friends at the party, and I found out that she is almost done with massage school, has been told that she's really talented, and gave me her card so that I can get a free massage next week!! He's a really good Daddy. :)
I just found out that the wedding at which I'm singing in May is actually in Destin, not Cincinnati. So I'll be in Destin, FL the weekend of May 14th!! Wahoo!! I've never been. And I'll be staying at a beach house. Holla!!
I send my love to all of you, confident that the Lord is working out His will in you.
Tale of Two Cinci's
I am going to Cincinnati for Lauren's bachelorette party today. Seeing her is going to be so refreshing. To try and explain how blessed I am by her friendship would be the equivalent of an alto trying to sing "Glitter and Be Gay," which would be insulting to the ears. Human attempts are not adequate enough to explain just how much I love her.
I have gotten to my breaking point with trusting Father with my money. I know He provides. However, I am finally honest with myself and Him, that my lack of understanding is weighing on my emotions. And it's difficult to be unemployed. I do not like just waiting around. People say, "God helps those who help themselves." Well, that's not written in the Bible...anywhere. In fact, quite the opposite is written. I, as a human, do have a desire to make some type of income. However, God's part is to provide. My part is to trust. And I am asking Him for some type of income. But I also know that when I hear His voice, He is saying, "Wait. Let me take care of it." So I wait. I do not want to get a job just to get a job, making my source of provision something of my own effort. I want to allow God to lead me to the source of income that He knows is greatest for me. His ways are so much higher (Isaiah 55:8), and He satisfies our desires with good things (Psalm 103:5). His will is good, pleasing and perfect (Romans 12:2). However, I am also casting my cares upon Him by telling Him what is real in me, and what appeals to me.
It's good to finally cry over all of this. It's freeing.
I have gotten to my breaking point with trusting Father with my money. I know He provides. However, I am finally honest with myself and Him, that my lack of understanding is weighing on my emotions. And it's difficult to be unemployed. I do not like just waiting around. People say, "God helps those who help themselves." Well, that's not written in the Bible...anywhere. In fact, quite the opposite is written. I, as a human, do have a desire to make some type of income. However, God's part is to provide. My part is to trust. And I am asking Him for some type of income. But I also know that when I hear His voice, He is saying, "Wait. Let me take care of it." So I wait. I do not want to get a job just to get a job, making my source of provision something of my own effort. I want to allow God to lead me to the source of income that He knows is greatest for me. His ways are so much higher (Isaiah 55:8), and He satisfies our desires with good things (Psalm 103:5). His will is good, pleasing and perfect (Romans 12:2). However, I am also casting my cares upon Him by telling Him what is real in me, and what appeals to me.
It's good to finally cry over all of this. It's freeing.
Such fun!
I am blessed to watch young people perform their passions, free of charge, because I live in Nashville, where some of the most talented musical theatre students perform recitals, seminars...and then just perform all day, really. Heehee. It's endearing and refreshing. It also allows me to live in certain moments with a unique perspective and awareness.
Plus I am welcome to take as many dance classes as I wish. What an amazing blessing!
Friday, I went over to a friend's house. The husband of the couple was my math teacher at Belmont. He and his wife would often support me in various performances at Belmont, including Seussical, my junior recital, and Thoroughly Modern Millie. I had an extraordinarily fun time, and it was clearly appointed by the Lord. We not only had a blast playing games, but we had some really tender conversation as well.
On Saturday, I got to help Jessica Sebastian set up for Kate's bridal shower. I'm just so happily blessed and humbled that I got to be at the shower, which was so fun because Kate's family and friends are lovely!! They were pleasant, bright, and funny - just like Kate. And then Jessica and I had a blast being Jessica and Mallory...silly, giddy, loving. Such a refreshing weekend! Oh yeah! I also purchased my bridesmaid dress for Lars' wedding. I found one for less than $20!!! Pretty awesome, right?? I have thanked Father for leading me to the store He did, when He did.
So I got cast in Rent, which is not something within my comfort. However, I was absolutely at peace about auditioning, and it has led to some pretty amazing things since auditioning. My friend, Randy (the one with whom I am entering into a theatre mission), and I auditioned, which led to a meeting. During the meeting, the artistic director offered to let us utilize their smaller stage for our promotional cabarets. That's a huge praise because Randy and I had a pretty lengthy list of possible venues, but NDT wasn't even a consideration because we didn't have any ties to that theater...we did not even think of it.
I am going to Cincinnati on Saturday, to celebrate Lars' bachelorette party. I might be coming back on Sunday for a week, but if I don't, I'll be in Cincinnati for two weeks.
I had such a wonderful time with Pop Mundy today. Ugh, I can't even muster some type of description, it was supernaturally sweet.
I am really distracted in this post...hahaha...but I think it updates, at least. : )
Plus I am welcome to take as many dance classes as I wish. What an amazing blessing!
Friday, I went over to a friend's house. The husband of the couple was my math teacher at Belmont. He and his wife would often support me in various performances at Belmont, including Seussical, my junior recital, and Thoroughly Modern Millie. I had an extraordinarily fun time, and it was clearly appointed by the Lord. We not only had a blast playing games, but we had some really tender conversation as well.
On Saturday, I got to help Jessica Sebastian set up for Kate's bridal shower. I'm just so happily blessed and humbled that I got to be at the shower, which was so fun because Kate's family and friends are lovely!! They were pleasant, bright, and funny - just like Kate. And then Jessica and I had a blast being Jessica and Mallory...silly, giddy, loving. Such a refreshing weekend! Oh yeah! I also purchased my bridesmaid dress for Lars' wedding. I found one for less than $20!!! Pretty awesome, right?? I have thanked Father for leading me to the store He did, when He did.
So I got cast in Rent, which is not something within my comfort. However, I was absolutely at peace about auditioning, and it has led to some pretty amazing things since auditioning. My friend, Randy (the one with whom I am entering into a theatre mission), and I auditioned, which led to a meeting. During the meeting, the artistic director offered to let us utilize their smaller stage for our promotional cabarets. That's a huge praise because Randy and I had a pretty lengthy list of possible venues, but NDT wasn't even a consideration because we didn't have any ties to that theater...we did not even think of it.
I am going to Cincinnati on Saturday, to celebrate Lars' bachelorette party. I might be coming back on Sunday for a week, but if I don't, I'll be in Cincinnati for two weeks.
I had such a wonderful time with Pop Mundy today. Ugh, I can't even muster some type of description, it was supernaturally sweet.
I am really distracted in this post...hahaha...but I think it updates, at least. : )
Leap. Explore. Rest. Leap..
I am still in Nashville. I have been busy with dance classes, which has been such a blessing. The dance teacher at Belmont invited to participate in as many classes as I would like. It's a perk of being an alum. However, I noticed that I allowed myself to really start focusing on that a lot, and I was losing focus and time with my Love. Days have seemed pretty bland. But I trust God with that, and I am already able to recognize how He is moving me out of that for right now.
I'd love to give a brief summary of the hike I took in KY since it was fabulous, and I said I would do so. : ) So I started on a trail that Caleb had recommended. But I, in my curiosity, do not like to follow the path that is perfectly cleared for all to walk. I came upon a path that was cleared of some shrubbery decided, "I'm gonna check that out!" It was walkable, although it was not as easy because it was highly populated with thorn-covered branches. Fortunately, I was wearing two pairs of pants, so it wasn't too painful. As I followed the path, I saw a big, open area of green grass and lots of trees on a hill. I got pretty excited to be in the open area all by myself. Walking up the hill, I approached the top of it, at which point I gasped at the awesome sight of a gorgeous body of water. Once my breath returned, I let out a vocal sigh, and then I giggled for a bit. It was so obvious that the Spirit led me there because my Love wanted some intimate time with me. And He knew I would absolutely delight in it. I ventured around it to sit on the perfect layer of rocks where I had some of the sweetest time with my Love, singing, talking, laughing. Some people would probably think me crazy. But I seriously do-not-care. It was one of the most amazing experiences in my life thus far. And what an amazingly perfect way that He set it up!! It was until writing this that I even realized how much the "path" represented the truth revealed in Scripture about the path not being easy, not commonly walked, but how it led to a paradise that I could not have dreamed up. Wow...
I also got to climb a tree that I saw along the way. And I saw a huge, huge, huge open area of grass that, as soon as I saw it, I stopped on the trail, naturally grinned a cunning grin, and then dashed down the field with a huge smile, running as fast as I could, splashing myself with the swampy grass, and it was a BLAST! I even ended up on a different walking path amidst it all. It was a great, great day. : D
I did think I was going to fall over once I reach the peak of my hike because it was pretty steep uphill, and I was feeling the lack of youth in me. Haha.
Since I have been in Nashville, Father has put me in play rooms with brothers and sisters who are on such a similar journey in their faith. Four people, thus far, have said, "I'm from [given place], but I really believed that the Lord was calling me to Nashville for some reason. I don't really know why yet, but I just believe He was telling me to come here." AWESOME!!! One of the young ladies with whom I was having this conversation gave me a really good word regarding all of it, and Father gave me discernment that it was the Spirit's words. Hallelujah, right?!?!
The following is the post that I read from an online subscription today. I'm posting it because it really resonated within my Spirit. If you read it, praise God. If you don't, praise God.
"Father, thank You for Your gift of the Holy Spirit, and for the beautiful ways He moves in us. I praise You for Your perfect provision, and I trust You with the eyes that come upon this page. In Your name of Love, Amen."
I'd love to give a brief summary of the hike I took in KY since it was fabulous, and I said I would do so. : ) So I started on a trail that Caleb had recommended. But I, in my curiosity, do not like to follow the path that is perfectly cleared for all to walk. I came upon a path that was cleared of some shrubbery decided, "I'm gonna check that out!" It was walkable, although it was not as easy because it was highly populated with thorn-covered branches. Fortunately, I was wearing two pairs of pants, so it wasn't too painful. As I followed the path, I saw a big, open area of green grass and lots of trees on a hill. I got pretty excited to be in the open area all by myself. Walking up the hill, I approached the top of it, at which point I gasped at the awesome sight of a gorgeous body of water. Once my breath returned, I let out a vocal sigh, and then I giggled for a bit. It was so obvious that the Spirit led me there because my Love wanted some intimate time with me. And He knew I would absolutely delight in it. I ventured around it to sit on the perfect layer of rocks where I had some of the sweetest time with my Love, singing, talking, laughing. Some people would probably think me crazy. But I seriously do-not-care. It was one of the most amazing experiences in my life thus far. And what an amazingly perfect way that He set it up!! It was until writing this that I even realized how much the "path" represented the truth revealed in Scripture about the path not being easy, not commonly walked, but how it led to a paradise that I could not have dreamed up. Wow...
I also got to climb a tree that I saw along the way. And I saw a huge, huge, huge open area of grass that, as soon as I saw it, I stopped on the trail, naturally grinned a cunning grin, and then dashed down the field with a huge smile, running as fast as I could, splashing myself with the swampy grass, and it was a BLAST! I even ended up on a different walking path amidst it all. It was a great, great day. : D
I did think I was going to fall over once I reach the peak of my hike because it was pretty steep uphill, and I was feeling the lack of youth in me. Haha.
Since I have been in Nashville, Father has put me in play rooms with brothers and sisters who are on such a similar journey in their faith. Four people, thus far, have said, "I'm from [given place], but I really believed that the Lord was calling me to Nashville for some reason. I don't really know why yet, but I just believe He was telling me to come here." AWESOME!!! One of the young ladies with whom I was having this conversation gave me a really good word regarding all of it, and Father gave me discernment that it was the Spirit's words. Hallelujah, right?!?!
The following is the post that I read from an online subscription today. I'm posting it because it really resonated within my Spirit. If you read it, praise God. If you don't, praise God.
"Father, thank You for Your gift of the Holy Spirit, and for the beautiful ways He moves in us. I praise You for Your perfect provision, and I trust You with the eyes that come upon this page. In Your name of Love, Amen."
T. Austin-Sparks
From the latter days of the Apostles till now, the history of Christianity is a history of prisons. This history is not of literal or material prisons, though there have been not a few of these. It is a history of prisons, which are the result of man's long established habit of bringing theSpirit into bondage.
How many times has the Spirit broken loose and moved in a new and free way only to have that way brought under man's control and crystallized into another form, creed, organization, denomination, sect, order,community, or the like! The invariable result has been that the Spirit's free movement and life has been cramped or even killed by the prison of the framework into which He has been drawn or forced.
Every time we seek to express something divine in word or form, we at once limit it. When that expression or form becomes the established and recognized formula, we have, in effect, put fetters on the Spirit. God gives a vision, and every God-given vision has unlimited potential and possibilities. But all too soon the vision is laid hold of by men who never received it by the Spirit. Then the grapes of Eschol turn to raisins in their hands. So very many of the living fruits of the heavenly country have sufferedin this way and become dried, shrunken, and unctionless shadows of their earlyglory.
Successors, sponsors, or adherents build an earthlyorganization on a living movement of the Spirit, born with fire in the heart ofsome prophet. They imprison the vision in a tradition. A message becomes acreed; a heavenly vision becomes an earthly institution; a movement of theSpirit becomes a work, which must be kept going by the steam of human energyand maintained by man's resourcefulness.
Any real (or seeming) departure or diversion from therecognized and traditional order of creed or practice will sooner or laterbecome heresy, to be violently suspected, repressed, and cast out. What was, atits beginning, a spiritual energy-producing living organism, expressingsomething that God really wanted and to which He gave birth has too oftenbecome something which the next generation has to sustain and struggle hard atto keep going. The thing has developed a self-interest, and it will go hard with anyone or anything interfering or seeming to interfere with it. The Spirit has become the prisoner of the institution or system, and as a result thepeople become limited spiritually.
All along the way the Spirit must be referred to anddeferred to. In anything in which the Spirit may have His liberties limited,the Spirit will be a rebel. And if He is in us, He will make us to rebelagainst unspiritual restrictions.
Not A Moment Too Soon
2.15.11
It's been a bit since I last posted. I've had some really refreshing days since then. Logan's shower was a hit. Ashley's ideas were so innovative and successful. I know who I will have as my wedding coordinator if the Lord brings me to marriage someday! And I really do mean that.
One of my favorite days was with Ashley, Miles and Matt (although Matt was only with us for a second since he was on his lunch break). Ashley, Miles and I went to the park where we flew a Brobee kite. Miles was on his way to tired, so as Ashley flew the kite, I had the amazing blessing of holding Miles. Tears meet my eyes as I type this. It was such a humbling time of great gratitude as he actually motioned for me to pick him up. It overjoyed my heart when he and I finally had a moment of connection a couple of nights before, when he really started to taking a liking to me to the point of remembering me. I found myself getting sad when I thought about my departing, worried that he'll forget me. But my thoughts were graciously turned to remembering that it's in the Lord's hands, to trust Him with it, and to just enjoy the moment around me. So I did.
I have really been stripped of so much that seemed familiar, known. I am a wonderful expression of God, as are you. That seems to be all that is known.
I went to Sevierville last week, and what a beautiful time with such beautiful people. I stayed with Laura and Jonathan. Laura was sick, so I took advantage of time to just chill out and not really do much of anything so that she could rest, and I could enjoy resting as well. I met up with a friend when I first got there. What an amazing confirmation of God's promises she is! I listened to her talk about her heart's desires, desires based on God's truth and grace. I thought back to a time when I heard her speaking of her frustrations with God (which was just a few months ago), and while I could not convince her of anything, God spoke so perfectly and sweetly into her spirit. And it had to have been Him!! It was awesome! So yet again, I can trust God. Duh! He knows what He is doing!
This past weekend was my time is Kentucky, at the Abbey of Gethsemani. Holy cow...it was beyond the possible expression of my inadequate, mortal words. The most profound part is that it wasn't one of those times when I could really sense the power of the Spirit's movement while I was there - especially the first day and a half. But, my goodness, when I took a moment to step back and behold, I was almost overwhelmed with the majesty of His grace.
I was silent all of Friday night and Saturday (I got lost on the way & was late because I chose to follow the internet's directions - not the most accurate of choices). Well, I whispered an occasional, "Excuse me," and answered the priests when they asked me questions like, "Are you enjoying your stay?" And let me just take a side note to say that they are some of the most genuinely pleasant, peaceful people I have ever encountered! On Sunday, while Father Damion (ironic name, eh?) spoke to us, retreatants, I could recognize a great wish that the time was more of a discussion, but I prayed that God would give me peace in trusting His plan, and the way He set it up. Well, hallelujah, because afterward, I decided to get nosey about a room labeled, "Visiting Room." I sat in the room and spoke with three women who have been retreating there, together, for 11 years now. Wow! We had an unbelievable conversation about each of our journeys up to this point, where the Lord has us now, and I was so blessed to witness that what He was been sharing with me was so delicate and encouraging to where they are right now. And they said things that brought my spirit to moments of soft, excited gasps. So perfectly appointed, Christ as each of us.
I slept a whole lot between Friday night and Sunday afternoon (so nice), so by the time I decided to go for my hike, I was quite rested. And I would just like to say that I had hoped to go for a hike on Saturday, but it just didn't happen...and God knew exactly what He was doing because Saturday was coooold. Sunday - perfect! I even sweated a little bit. I will provide a grander synopsis of the actual hike as a separate post. But I could not have imagined that it was going to be as awe-inspiring as it was.
I was planning to leave Monday morning. After supper on Sunday, I sat in my bed with a book. After about 15 minutes of reading, I decided, "I'm going to leave tonight." I closed my book, packed my belongings, packed up the room, returned the library book I borrowed, dropped my key in the box, and drove back to Nashville where I stayed at my friend's, parents' house. Again, it was by no coincidence because I woke up to his mother in the kitchen (as she usually is), who made me a delicious breakfast, and then sat and talked for a while. Please pray for her. Her heart is in pain as she is dealing with some family stuff that just doesn't make sense to her right now, to any of us. She is a stunning woman of great faith, and she is really seeking out the Lord's guidance. We got to talk, cry, read Scripture. She is so lovely, and the devastation in her heart is heavy. I am glad we got to share together. Another obvious time of God reminding us that He knows what He is doing.
"Father, I thank you for the various types of communication available here on earth. I trust that you led my way to a blog. I pray for the eyes of every person who comes to this blog. I praise you, that you have already prepared our hearts to hear what you have to say through each word. May no one be unsettled by any words one reads or does not read, but that we trust that every eyes is led and distracted from the words needed and unneeded. This blog is for you to use. And each heart is for you to transform. Hallelujah, we praise you for your majestic ways that are so much higher than our ways, and for your thoughts that are so much higher than our thoughts. In your precious name I commit these expressions, Amen."
At Rest
Well I am in Florida. Tomorrow is Logan's shower. I am without transportation, but confident that the right transportation will be provided at the perfect moments. Matthew was wonderful to let me use his car yesterday. For that, I am super grateful. : ) What a nice big brother.
Spending time with my Banjo has been wonderful. He's so cute. 'Kota and Sheena are pretty incredible. So much love in three, such little bodies of cuteness and warmth.
I am praising God for many things: Cody Reese's successful surgeries. God's strength in Cody's family. Random opportunities to serve family, friends and strangers alike. His goodness. His grace. His love. His faithfulness. His mercy. His attention to detail. Peace in a situation that has been a struggle for my trust. God has been so amazing to work out my trust in Him with it. And at this moment, I am completely content with it, more so than I have been to date. God is a good, good God.
I judged my mom's karaoke contest last night. What a delight! I was the "nice judge." I was honest with people about the ways in which they can improve, but I enjoyed being able to see the beauty of each person in their unique, God-created ways. I thanked Jesus for transforming my vision so that I could see His obsession with them, and it was such a treat to be able to share a little with them. "In every moment, Lord, have your way in me."
Brian came out too. That was wonderful. He's such a blessing of a friend. Always positive, willing to engage in real conversation, and so much fun!
I am going to go for a walk now. That should be quite enjoyable. I enjoy my walks with God.
Spending time with my Banjo has been wonderful. He's so cute. 'Kota and Sheena are pretty incredible. So much love in three, such little bodies of cuteness and warmth.
I am praising God for many things: Cody Reese's successful surgeries. God's strength in Cody's family. Random opportunities to serve family, friends and strangers alike. His goodness. His grace. His love. His faithfulness. His mercy. His attention to detail. Peace in a situation that has been a struggle for my trust. God has been so amazing to work out my trust in Him with it. And at this moment, I am completely content with it, more so than I have been to date. God is a good, good God.
I judged my mom's karaoke contest last night. What a delight! I was the "nice judge." I was honest with people about the ways in which they can improve, but I enjoyed being able to see the beauty of each person in their unique, God-created ways. I thanked Jesus for transforming my vision so that I could see His obsession with them, and it was such a treat to be able to share a little with them. "In every moment, Lord, have your way in me."
Brian came out too. That was wonderful. He's such a blessing of a friend. Always positive, willing to engage in real conversation, and so much fun!
I am going to go for a walk now. That should be quite enjoyable. I enjoy my walks with God.
God's Will
God's will for me: That I give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for [me] in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18
What freedom means to me: I can trust God with every aspect of this life, whether regarding my personal journey's path, or everyone else's around me. I can trust because I have learned that His love for us is great. His delight in each person is so specific and deeply profound. Sin (unbelief) entered the world and fogs our understanding of this TRUTH, but the reality of it has never, does not, and will never change.
How freedom affects my journey: As God grows in me, I am able to rest in God's grace for every, single moment. I can accept grace for myself as well as others. As I welcome it, Jesus changes my vision to His, my thoughts to His, and I get to enjoy it.
For the first time in my life, I am truly aware of the truth of that. And I still have so much more to learn! The beauty of it is that I don't have to worry about what I still have to learn. I am rejoicing in the ways that God is showering His love on me right now. After all, right now is all I have, right? I am just where I need to be...right now.
I have a bit of a lead on a part-time job. I'm praying about and trusting God with it...well, more praying about trusting God with it. : )
What freedom means to me: I can trust God with every aspect of this life, whether regarding my personal journey's path, or everyone else's around me. I can trust because I have learned that His love for us is great. His delight in each person is so specific and deeply profound. Sin (unbelief) entered the world and fogs our understanding of this TRUTH, but the reality of it has never, does not, and will never change.
How freedom affects my journey: As God grows in me, I am able to rest in God's grace for every, single moment. I can accept grace for myself as well as others. As I welcome it, Jesus changes my vision to His, my thoughts to His, and I get to enjoy it.
For the first time in my life, I am truly aware of the truth of that. And I still have so much more to learn! The beauty of it is that I don't have to worry about what I still have to learn. I am rejoicing in the ways that God is showering His love on me right now. After all, right now is all I have, right? I am just where I need to be...right now.
I have a bit of a lead on a part-time job. I'm praying about and trusting God with it...well, more praying about trusting God with it. : )
New Place To Live
I looooooove my current living situation. My friend actually forgot that I was going to rent out the spare room, and he rented it out to someone else. It's ok. He has a music room, and I am staying in it. I don't have that much stuff, really, so it's all kind of tucked away here and there, out of the way of his coaching space.
We had a "family dinner" tonight. I cooked up some rice, beans and ground turkey meat. We had burritos, taco salad, whatever we chose to make of it. All the roomies are really great. I'll post a couple of pictures on fb in the next day or so.
I have had some really amazing times of fellowship since I have been in Nashville. God is so good, He is so faithful. The desires He places in us...they are good. And when I ask Him to get me out of the way so that He can carry those desires out in me He, yet again, reminds me of how high His ways are. I could not have even tried to manipulate situations in which I have been that have been incredible times of real, true, raw fellowship. I want more and more and more. One may ask, "What do you do?" My answer is, "I let Jesus love people," and that's really all I want to do. Theatre is not what I do. Theatre just happens to be a venue through which God has given me ability to express His love.
I have no leads on a job. But I have what I need for today, and I trust that God will provide as I truly need. Back to the Forge and Florida on Tuesday.
We had a "family dinner" tonight. I cooked up some rice, beans and ground turkey meat. We had burritos, taco salad, whatever we chose to make of it. All the roomies are really great. I'll post a couple of pictures on fb in the next day or so.
I have had some really amazing times of fellowship since I have been in Nashville. God is so good, He is so faithful. The desires He places in us...they are good. And when I ask Him to get me out of the way so that He can carry those desires out in me He, yet again, reminds me of how high His ways are. I could not have even tried to manipulate situations in which I have been that have been incredible times of real, true, raw fellowship. I want more and more and more. One may ask, "What do you do?" My answer is, "I let Jesus love people," and that's really all I want to do. Theatre is not what I do. Theatre just happens to be a venue through which God has given me ability to express His love.
I have no leads on a job. But I have what I need for today, and I trust that God will provide as I truly need. Back to the Forge and Florida on Tuesday.
Delicious Fruit
1.27.11
I am in Nashville. I would be lying to say that I don't have moments that I get nervous about the unknown of being here (which are great in number), however that's just my lack of trust. When I do not focus on my own understanding, I am totally at peace...and I get excited. And as I approached familiar signs, I got very excited.
The past three weeks have been full, full, full of blessings. Have they all seemed like blessings at their time of activity? No. Not in the slightest. But I think a good way to describe this season thus far is; "Breakage & Repair." Thinking back on everything I have experienced since being in Nashville three weeks ago, I can't believe it has only been three weeks. Really.
And I have really been chewing on all of the freshly picked fruit that was presented to me (no pun intended with the following writing). One piece that I have enjoyed, but tasted with a deep sense of, "Hmmm..." (deep word choice, I know) is that of our lives in relation to Adam & Eve in the garden. A brief summary:
There are something like 6 steps in gardening. The last is reap the harvest. All the others are the work that it takes to get to reaping. I was asked, "Who did [the first five steps?]" Answer: God. Adam and Eve simply reaped. They didn't do any work. And I absolutely, totally agree with that. God did all of the work so that we may reap the harvest of His love, grace, and that relationship allowed through that. But I also said, "But it was Adam and Eve who has to decide to pick the fruit and eat it." God has done the work for reconciliation to be made, but we have a choice. So I keep thinking on it, and I believe God gave me the following word, which has blessed me. If it speaks to you as well, praise God! But I am not trying to convince anyone to agree with me. I am just presenting the ideas I am given, with much welcomeness for correction if what I write does not align with Scripture. : )
There are a few ways that Adam & Eve could enjoy the garden. They could enjoy looking at it, noticing all the beautiful colors God put in it. They could enjoy resting in it, sleeping on the leaves, sitting on a branch. They could enjoy its scent, smelling and basking in the many aromas of the fruit, trees, flowers, water. They could enjoy feeling it, giving attention to the different textures of each leaf, vegetable, fruit, the water. They could enjoy eating it, tasting the sweetness of each bite of the food, which led to fulfillment and strength because of the great nourishment.
If I am missing some, please add to it! But the point is that Adam & Eve had the freedom to choose how they would enjoy the garden that God flourished for them. I get to choose how I enjoy the garden of grace. Adam & Eve chose to enjoy the fruit that killed them. I also have the freedom to choose to enjoy that fruit as well. And it's not about the right choice. No, no. I can see in Scripture that God's love is forever and always the same. And His delight in who He made me will never be unsteady. The difference in the way I choose to enjoy the garden is about my good. It's about being filled and strengthened in His love. That's His desire, that I be in intimate union with Him because He loves me THAT much! And what glory He receives through all of that!
HALLELUJAH!!!!!
It's All About Love
1.21.2011
I'd lost sight of the truth of totally, 100% resting in God's love. But I also had never understood exchanging my own life so that Christ may live His life of love through me. I didn't know how to understand certain things in my life, and forgive the cause of those things, whether they were perceived or overt. But now, now God has said, "It is time that I merge the two. And now, NOW you can know what freedom really means!" Am I perfect? NOPE. but that's the best part of it. He knows i never will be. therefore, i don't have to be.
it's not about what is right and wrong. it's about a deep, intimate relationship founded in the most supernatural love that we'll only ever know in Christ. we're just simply unable to reach that vastness of love on earth.
so here i am. "I completely surrender my life to You because I accept Your love. Your law is love. Your life is love. Your testimony is love. And I choose to exchange my life for yours so that my law, my life, my testimony is love. And only that matters. I know that You will put everything else into place. It's about You and me now."
I'll be leaving Monday. I'm hoping to figure out a place between here and Sevierville that I can stop for the night, and then finish the trip Tuesday morning. I don't like driving at night. But most people I know are really close to here, or they are really close to Sevierville, which kinda defeats the purpose. I'd like to drive 7 - 8 hours on Monday, and then finish the trip on Tuesday. We'll see how God works it out. : )
I had an amazing 4 hours with God today, at one of my favorite, little coffee shops in town.
I don't really know what I'm doing for the rest of the day. I like that.
Where Jesus Went
"On hearing this, Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.'" Matthew 9:12
For my mom's birthday, I told her I would go to her "birthday bash" where she works on Wednesday night. It's a little dive bar in my hometown. I'll be honest, it wasn't my place of choice, but it was all about her. :) But let me tell you, I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.
I played my first game of table shuffleboard, and I won!! I really wasn't playing with expectation of winning because...well...it was my first time playing. And it was fun! I always enjoy spending time with Brian, who was there with a really good guy named Shaun. Plus I got to listen to someone tell me all about some things that are neat to them. And then later on in the night...
I got to talk with a dear friend of 13 years about Jesus. I got to witness God's pursuit of this friend. The conversation was Divinely appointed; it was humbling; it was encouraging. It was good. He's being honest about his position, and it's the perfect place for him. And I praise God because I know that God's doing the work. And I know that He faithfully spoke through me, as I asked Him to please do. I am pumped for my friend. I am pumped about Jesus.
The Pharisees scrutinized Jesus for hanging out with people who were "unacceptable." They scrutinized Him for hanging out in places that seemed unfit for a man of God to be. If I hadn't gone to that bar tonight, that conversation would not have happened. But that's a comfortable place for my friend to talk and be honest. It's not about me. It's about Christ, and about furthering His kingdom.
I also had a lovely time with my Daddy today. I am blessed with two, wonderful, loving parents. And the parents I have gained from their remarriages is pretty insane as well; I know that they all love me so much. I love them so much as well.
I might be heading back to Pigeon Forge this weekend. One of my good friends is going through something that is really difficult, and I want to serve her with love during it. "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2
For my mom's birthday, I told her I would go to her "birthday bash" where she works on Wednesday night. It's a little dive bar in my hometown. I'll be honest, it wasn't my place of choice, but it was all about her. :) But let me tell you, I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.
I played my first game of table shuffleboard, and I won!! I really wasn't playing with expectation of winning because...well...it was my first time playing. And it was fun! I always enjoy spending time with Brian, who was there with a really good guy named Shaun. Plus I got to listen to someone tell me all about some things that are neat to them. And then later on in the night...
I got to talk with a dear friend of 13 years about Jesus. I got to witness God's pursuit of this friend. The conversation was Divinely appointed; it was humbling; it was encouraging. It was good. He's being honest about his position, and it's the perfect place for him. And I praise God because I know that God's doing the work. And I know that He faithfully spoke through me, as I asked Him to please do. I am pumped for my friend. I am pumped about Jesus.
The Pharisees scrutinized Jesus for hanging out with people who were "unacceptable." They scrutinized Him for hanging out in places that seemed unfit for a man of God to be. If I hadn't gone to that bar tonight, that conversation would not have happened. But that's a comfortable place for my friend to talk and be honest. It's not about me. It's about Christ, and about furthering His kingdom.
I also had a lovely time with my Daddy today. I am blessed with two, wonderful, loving parents. And the parents I have gained from their remarriages is pretty insane as well; I know that they all love me so much. I love them so much as well.
I might be heading back to Pigeon Forge this weekend. One of my good friends is going through something that is really difficult, and I want to serve her with love during it. "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2
Movin' On Up
The idea of this journey was wonderful, and I have loved my time in FL so far. But I like my structure, I like being able to have an exercise routine, and a dietary "schedule." And I like working toward something. These are all things that are important for me. So I am ready to move.
However, I am grateful, sooo grateful, for this time to which God called me. I have been able to slow down, relax a bit, process things I need to process, reflect, rest. The Lord has used this time to start preparing me.
I'll be moving next month. Well, I might start the moving process next week. I have a dear friend who owns a house in Nashville and is willing to let me rent a room by the week, at a very reasonable price. I will rent by the week because I will be in Cincinnati for at least a week or two, and I don't want to have to pay a full month's rent somewhere that I am only living for 1/2 the month. After Lauren's wedding, I will search for a more permanent place.
Please pray that I keep myself open to God's voice as He leads me to ministry opportunities. I am praying for a community of Believers with whom I can share in deep fellowship. I am praying for a community in which we are able to lift each other up in truth and love. I am also praying for opportunities to serve. I pray that I am able to totally surrender myself - what people think of me, what I think of other people, what might seem enticing, whatever it might be - so that I may serve God by serving others in a real, necessary way. Again, it's not about me.
However, I am grateful, sooo grateful, for this time to which God called me. I have been able to slow down, relax a bit, process things I need to process, reflect, rest. The Lord has used this time to start preparing me.
I'll be moving next month. Well, I might start the moving process next week. I have a dear friend who owns a house in Nashville and is willing to let me rent a room by the week, at a very reasonable price. I will rent by the week because I will be in Cincinnati for at least a week or two, and I don't want to have to pay a full month's rent somewhere that I am only living for 1/2 the month. After Lauren's wedding, I will search for a more permanent place.
Please pray that I keep myself open to God's voice as He leads me to ministry opportunities. I am praying for a community of Believers with whom I can share in deep fellowship. I am praying for a community in which we are able to lift each other up in truth and love. I am also praying for opportunities to serve. I pray that I am able to totally surrender myself - what people think of me, what I think of other people, what might seem enticing, whatever it might be - so that I may serve God by serving others in a real, necessary way. Again, it's not about me.
Flexibility For A Change of Plans
So I am supposed to head to TN on Friday. Through prayer, I've decided to stay a few extra days. I'll have more time to spend with family (blood and non), and it'll be less stressful for me. I don't really want to go to that audition in Nashville, so I'm not going to. There's no point. : )
I went to a wonderful Bible study today, I went to a wonderful Bible study Wednesday, and I'm looking forward to even more fellowship.
I have started (and need to finish) applying to grad school. I will seek an MA in Biblical Counseling. And I'm excited about it. It's one of the few things that I know I should do in the next year. The school is Luther Rice University and Seminary, but I will be doing all of my studies online. I will not be on campus at all, and it only takes a year to complete. I'm pretty stoked.
The Lord has been revealing wonderful signs of the next few steps approaching on my path. But I'm grateful to just be resting for a little bit. : )
Even so, I do look forward to having a permanent place where I can keep spices, ingredients, and utensils to cook for myself and friends. And I look forward to the potential of a normal life in which I actually can do those things...as opposed to cooking on Sunday, and eating that food for dinner during the rest of week because of being at a theater for dinner.
I've visited a few places that played a part in my past, in my days of following the flesh. And it's neat to see the fruit that Christ has produced in me since then. I no longer have a love for the things my flesh loved, and that's quite a reason to praise God. I don't remember consciously trying to change specific desires that have changed - it's pure evidence of God's word.
Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow. Selah.
I went to a wonderful Bible study today, I went to a wonderful Bible study Wednesday, and I'm looking forward to even more fellowship.
I have started (and need to finish) applying to grad school. I will seek an MA in Biblical Counseling. And I'm excited about it. It's one of the few things that I know I should do in the next year. The school is Luther Rice University and Seminary, but I will be doing all of my studies online. I will not be on campus at all, and it only takes a year to complete. I'm pretty stoked.
The Lord has been revealing wonderful signs of the next few steps approaching on my path. But I'm grateful to just be resting for a little bit. : )
Even so, I do look forward to having a permanent place where I can keep spices, ingredients, and utensils to cook for myself and friends. And I look forward to the potential of a normal life in which I actually can do those things...as opposed to cooking on Sunday, and eating that food for dinner during the rest of week because of being at a theater for dinner.
I've visited a few places that played a part in my past, in my days of following the flesh. And it's neat to see the fruit that Christ has produced in me since then. I no longer have a love for the things my flesh loved, and that's quite a reason to praise God. I don't remember consciously trying to change specific desires that have changed - it's pure evidence of God's word.
Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow. Selah.
Thirteen becomes Twenty-seven
Micah got off work much earlier than expected yesterday, so I went to his house, packed all of our stuff as he took Amy (Michael's - Micah's roommate who was ill girlfriend) to the store really quickly.
We took off, he admitted to not be feeling so hot himself. He went to sleep as I drove, hoping to feel better. Well...he woke up and shortly thereafter informed me that we needed to pull over. He got very sick at a gas station and then said he felt better. He slept a little more and then woke up for some more sick time. I stopped at a hotel, at which point he decided that he needed to go to the hospital. Stomach flus are significantly more dangerous for him than the common individual due to his diabetes. So we went to the ER. They gave him some fluids, nausea med's, and eventually sent us on our way. We went back to the hotel and stayed there until this morning, and then decided to head out.
We're safely in FL now. Poor Micah experienced such a terrible trip. But he did get to sleep almost the entire trip, so that's good. I am super tired, but am glad I was there.
Please continue to pray for me, as I am often so tempted to focus on those things which are temporary. And I put myself in the center. It's not about me.
Love.
We took off, he admitted to not be feeling so hot himself. He went to sleep as I drove, hoping to feel better. Well...he woke up and shortly thereafter informed me that we needed to pull over. He got very sick at a gas station and then said he felt better. He slept a little more and then woke up for some more sick time. I stopped at a hotel, at which point he decided that he needed to go to the hospital. Stomach flus are significantly more dangerous for him than the common individual due to his diabetes. So we went to the ER. They gave him some fluids, nausea med's, and eventually sent us on our way. We went back to the hotel and stayed there until this morning, and then decided to head out.
We're safely in FL now. Poor Micah experienced such a terrible trip. But he did get to sleep almost the entire trip, so that's good. I am super tired, but am glad I was there.
Please continue to pray for me, as I am often so tempted to focus on those things which are temporary. And I put myself in the center. It's not about me.
Love.
I am a servant
Love God.
Love others.
"Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Matthew 22:37-38)
"And this is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." (1 John 3:16)
In this time of "wandering," I am confident that it is to be a season of complete and intense servanthood. How, where and who can I serve? It's not a matter of God dragging me along the servant's path. He has put the passion in me, and I am joyful to serve! In March, I'll be serving Lars and her sister with the wedding, and whoever else needs the blessing of a servant. Of this plan, I am quite confident. And I'm grateful. I love the idea of being offstage, in the background - this is very new for me...but so desired! I want to focus on Christ, and His focus is on loving His children.
In my quality time with God today, I started thinking about just resting and smiling with Jesus when there's nothing to actively do, as opposed to sitting and studying with the anxiously repeated question, "What can I do for you? What can I do for you? What do you want me to do for you?" Can you imagine dating or marrying someone who was constantly consumed with worry of what they can do for you? I envisioned that, and my reaction would be to eventually just stop responding to them, close up. I just want to enjoy your company, and for you to enjoy mine. If I ask for something, or if there's something that will obviously bless me, then I will be so delighted for the service. And I know that it blesses God to have His children served because of His love. Since I am so tickled by His love, when I see someone in need, I want to let Him move in me and offer, not force, a loving hand. What a gift to have been created in His own image, that we may understand His teaching.
Micah and I wrote a few songs last night (with Michael's help), and I think they're really pretty. I hope I am right. haha. I met Michael's cute girlfriend, Amy (Aurora), and she put makeup on him. It was simply amusing, quite endearing. I went and listened to Caleb play at a bar/club called The Tin Roof, where I had never been before. It was definitely an experience. I think I would enjoy going to bars like that more often, with one or two (or 20) other believers, just to talk and pray - be it silently or together. Not prayers of condemnation, but prayers for many of the people there who are desperately searching for peace and hope, prayers that God will reveal Himself to them so that they may be free. Beautiful people.
Headed to FL today. We appreciate all prayers for safety, but above all, I welcome and praise God's will being done.
Love others.
"Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Matthew 22:37-38)
"And this is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." (1 John 3:16)
In this time of "wandering," I am confident that it is to be a season of complete and intense servanthood. How, where and who can I serve? It's not a matter of God dragging me along the servant's path. He has put the passion in me, and I am joyful to serve! In March, I'll be serving Lars and her sister with the wedding, and whoever else needs the blessing of a servant. Of this plan, I am quite confident. And I'm grateful. I love the idea of being offstage, in the background - this is very new for me...but so desired! I want to focus on Christ, and His focus is on loving His children.
In my quality time with God today, I started thinking about just resting and smiling with Jesus when there's nothing to actively do, as opposed to sitting and studying with the anxiously repeated question, "What can I do for you? What can I do for you? What do you want me to do for you?" Can you imagine dating or marrying someone who was constantly consumed with worry of what they can do for you? I envisioned that, and my reaction would be to eventually just stop responding to them, close up. I just want to enjoy your company, and for you to enjoy mine. If I ask for something, or if there's something that will obviously bless me, then I will be so delighted for the service. And I know that it blesses God to have His children served because of His love. Since I am so tickled by His love, when I see someone in need, I want to let Him move in me and offer, not force, a loving hand. What a gift to have been created in His own image, that we may understand His teaching.
Micah and I wrote a few songs last night (with Michael's help), and I think they're really pretty. I hope I am right. haha. I met Michael's cute girlfriend, Amy (Aurora), and she put makeup on him. It was simply amusing, quite endearing. I went and listened to Caleb play at a bar/club called The Tin Roof, where I had never been before. It was definitely an experience. I think I would enjoy going to bars like that more often, with one or two (or 20) other believers, just to talk and pray - be it silently or together. Not prayers of condemnation, but prayers for many of the people there who are desperately searching for peace and hope, prayers that God will reveal Himself to them so that they may be free. Beautiful people.
Headed to FL today. We appreciate all prayers for safety, but above all, I welcome and praise God's will being done.
Through...I died to...
"For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God." (Galatians 2:19)
I like to translate it to: "For through the law, I have died to striving for justification, so that Christ might live through me."
"I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)
I am always taken by God's sweetest, whispered reminders of the truth in which He wants to me walk. Christ fulfilled that law so that we may be free from the struggle for perfection. Instead, we can simply do nothing but enjoy Him, enjoy His word. As for the work, He has it taken care of. He is the best time manager.
"I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing" (Galatians 2:21)
I revel in the peace that God works out in me, as He I willingly allow Him to fill me more and more.
I like to translate it to: "For through the law, I have died to striving for justification, so that Christ might live through me."
"I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)
I am always taken by God's sweetest, whispered reminders of the truth in which He wants to me walk. Christ fulfilled that law so that we may be free from the struggle for perfection. Instead, we can simply do nothing but enjoy Him, enjoy His word. As for the work, He has it taken care of. He is the best time manager.
"I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing" (Galatians 2:21)
I revel in the peace that God works out in me, as He I willingly allow Him to fill me more and more.
I meant to order decaf
I'm sitting at one of my favorite spots in Nashville. I got a double iced latte, and forgot to order decaf...but i paid for it, and i'm going to drink it. : ) Jesus has got this, I'm honestly not impressed by my heart "condition."
So here I am, unaware of what each day will be. It's definitely freeing. And I'm looking to dive into even more of the freedom that Christ is offering, of which I get to just allow. Grace.
I spent the evening with Kate McKee - a friend of 9 years, and spent time with Jessica at Kate's. Jessica - friend of 13 years. It was a beautiful time of truth, laughter, and so much love. Grace.
I went to Jackson's before going to Kate's, and I had a time full of various colors and shapes with John Ross (no, i don't mean drugs, just the way life goes in my mind) - friend of 1.5 years, and a true brother at heart. Grace.
Please be praying that the Lord will be so gracious as to shut out all the white noise, so that I may hear Him as He leads me along, so that my journey may be one of loving, true testimony, and spiritual inspiration for myself and everyone with whom I come into contact. As for money, God knows from where it will come as I keep on.
"Thank you, Jesus, that you know every step you want us to take. I praise you for who You are, and in You I put all hope. Your name is power, strength and peace. Thank you for your grace by which, among other things, I am able to lift up this praise. Amen."
So here I am, unaware of what each day will be. It's definitely freeing. And I'm looking to dive into even more of the freedom that Christ is offering, of which I get to just allow. Grace.
I spent the evening with Kate McKee - a friend of 9 years, and spent time with Jessica at Kate's. Jessica - friend of 13 years. It was a beautiful time of truth, laughter, and so much love. Grace.
I went to Jackson's before going to Kate's, and I had a time full of various colors and shapes with John Ross (no, i don't mean drugs, just the way life goes in my mind) - friend of 1.5 years, and a true brother at heart. Grace.
Please be praying that the Lord will be so gracious as to shut out all the white noise, so that I may hear Him as He leads me along, so that my journey may be one of loving, true testimony, and spiritual inspiration for myself and everyone with whom I come into contact. As for money, God knows from where it will come as I keep on.
"Thank you, Jesus, that you know every step you want us to take. I praise you for who You are, and in You I put all hope. Your name is power, strength and peace. Thank you for your grace by which, among other things, I am able to lift up this praise. Amen."
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