I looooooove my current living situation. My friend actually forgot that I was going to rent out the spare room, and he rented it out to someone else. It's ok. He has a music room, and I am staying in it. I don't have that much stuff, really, so it's all kind of tucked away here and there, out of the way of his coaching space.
We had a "family dinner" tonight. I cooked up some rice, beans and ground turkey meat. We had burritos, taco salad, whatever we chose to make of it. All the roomies are really great. I'll post a couple of pictures on fb in the next day or so.
I have had some really amazing times of fellowship since I have been in Nashville. God is so good, He is so faithful. The desires He places in us...they are good. And when I ask Him to get me out of the way so that He can carry those desires out in me He, yet again, reminds me of how high His ways are. I could not have even tried to manipulate situations in which I have been that have been incredible times of real, true, raw fellowship. I want more and more and more. One may ask, "What do you do?" My answer is, "I let Jesus love people," and that's really all I want to do. Theatre is not what I do. Theatre just happens to be a venue through which God has given me ability to express His love.
I have no leads on a job. But I have what I need for today, and I trust that God will provide as I truly need. Back to the Forge and Florida on Tuesday.
Delicious Fruit
1.27.11
I am in Nashville. I would be lying to say that I don't have moments that I get nervous about the unknown of being here (which are great in number), however that's just my lack of trust. When I do not focus on my own understanding, I am totally at peace...and I get excited. And as I approached familiar signs, I got very excited.
The past three weeks have been full, full, full of blessings. Have they all seemed like blessings at their time of activity? No. Not in the slightest. But I think a good way to describe this season thus far is; "Breakage & Repair." Thinking back on everything I have experienced since being in Nashville three weeks ago, I can't believe it has only been three weeks. Really.
And I have really been chewing on all of the freshly picked fruit that was presented to me (no pun intended with the following writing). One piece that I have enjoyed, but tasted with a deep sense of, "Hmmm..." (deep word choice, I know) is that of our lives in relation to Adam & Eve in the garden. A brief summary:
There are something like 6 steps in gardening. The last is reap the harvest. All the others are the work that it takes to get to reaping. I was asked, "Who did [the first five steps?]" Answer: God. Adam and Eve simply reaped. They didn't do any work. And I absolutely, totally agree with that. God did all of the work so that we may reap the harvest of His love, grace, and that relationship allowed through that. But I also said, "But it was Adam and Eve who has to decide to pick the fruit and eat it." God has done the work for reconciliation to be made, but we have a choice. So I keep thinking on it, and I believe God gave me the following word, which has blessed me. If it speaks to you as well, praise God! But I am not trying to convince anyone to agree with me. I am just presenting the ideas I am given, with much welcomeness for correction if what I write does not align with Scripture. : )
There are a few ways that Adam & Eve could enjoy the garden. They could enjoy looking at it, noticing all the beautiful colors God put in it. They could enjoy resting in it, sleeping on the leaves, sitting on a branch. They could enjoy its scent, smelling and basking in the many aromas of the fruit, trees, flowers, water. They could enjoy feeling it, giving attention to the different textures of each leaf, vegetable, fruit, the water. They could enjoy eating it, tasting the sweetness of each bite of the food, which led to fulfillment and strength because of the great nourishment.
If I am missing some, please add to it! But the point is that Adam & Eve had the freedom to choose how they would enjoy the garden that God flourished for them. I get to choose how I enjoy the garden of grace. Adam & Eve chose to enjoy the fruit that killed them. I also have the freedom to choose to enjoy that fruit as well. And it's not about the right choice. No, no. I can see in Scripture that God's love is forever and always the same. And His delight in who He made me will never be unsteady. The difference in the way I choose to enjoy the garden is about my good. It's about being filled and strengthened in His love. That's His desire, that I be in intimate union with Him because He loves me THAT much! And what glory He receives through all of that!
HALLELUJAH!!!!!
It's All About Love
1.21.2011
I'd lost sight of the truth of totally, 100% resting in God's love. But I also had never understood exchanging my own life so that Christ may live His life of love through me. I didn't know how to understand certain things in my life, and forgive the cause of those things, whether they were perceived or overt. But now, now God has said, "It is time that I merge the two. And now, NOW you can know what freedom really means!" Am I perfect? NOPE. but that's the best part of it. He knows i never will be. therefore, i don't have to be.
it's not about what is right and wrong. it's about a deep, intimate relationship founded in the most supernatural love that we'll only ever know in Christ. we're just simply unable to reach that vastness of love on earth.
so here i am. "I completely surrender my life to You because I accept Your love. Your law is love. Your life is love. Your testimony is love. And I choose to exchange my life for yours so that my law, my life, my testimony is love. And only that matters. I know that You will put everything else into place. It's about You and me now."
I'll be leaving Monday. I'm hoping to figure out a place between here and Sevierville that I can stop for the night, and then finish the trip Tuesday morning. I don't like driving at night. But most people I know are really close to here, or they are really close to Sevierville, which kinda defeats the purpose. I'd like to drive 7 - 8 hours on Monday, and then finish the trip on Tuesday. We'll see how God works it out. : )
I had an amazing 4 hours with God today, at one of my favorite, little coffee shops in town.
I don't really know what I'm doing for the rest of the day. I like that.
Where Jesus Went
"On hearing this, Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.'" Matthew 9:12
For my mom's birthday, I told her I would go to her "birthday bash" where she works on Wednesday night. It's a little dive bar in my hometown. I'll be honest, it wasn't my place of choice, but it was all about her. :) But let me tell you, I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.
I played my first game of table shuffleboard, and I won!! I really wasn't playing with expectation of winning because...well...it was my first time playing. And it was fun! I always enjoy spending time with Brian, who was there with a really good guy named Shaun. Plus I got to listen to someone tell me all about some things that are neat to them. And then later on in the night...
I got to talk with a dear friend of 13 years about Jesus. I got to witness God's pursuit of this friend. The conversation was Divinely appointed; it was humbling; it was encouraging. It was good. He's being honest about his position, and it's the perfect place for him. And I praise God because I know that God's doing the work. And I know that He faithfully spoke through me, as I asked Him to please do. I am pumped for my friend. I am pumped about Jesus.
The Pharisees scrutinized Jesus for hanging out with people who were "unacceptable." They scrutinized Him for hanging out in places that seemed unfit for a man of God to be. If I hadn't gone to that bar tonight, that conversation would not have happened. But that's a comfortable place for my friend to talk and be honest. It's not about me. It's about Christ, and about furthering His kingdom.
I also had a lovely time with my Daddy today. I am blessed with two, wonderful, loving parents. And the parents I have gained from their remarriages is pretty insane as well; I know that they all love me so much. I love them so much as well.
I might be heading back to Pigeon Forge this weekend. One of my good friends is going through something that is really difficult, and I want to serve her with love during it. "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2
For my mom's birthday, I told her I would go to her "birthday bash" where she works on Wednesday night. It's a little dive bar in my hometown. I'll be honest, it wasn't my place of choice, but it was all about her. :) But let me tell you, I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.
I played my first game of table shuffleboard, and I won!! I really wasn't playing with expectation of winning because...well...it was my first time playing. And it was fun! I always enjoy spending time with Brian, who was there with a really good guy named Shaun. Plus I got to listen to someone tell me all about some things that are neat to them. And then later on in the night...
I got to talk with a dear friend of 13 years about Jesus. I got to witness God's pursuit of this friend. The conversation was Divinely appointed; it was humbling; it was encouraging. It was good. He's being honest about his position, and it's the perfect place for him. And I praise God because I know that God's doing the work. And I know that He faithfully spoke through me, as I asked Him to please do. I am pumped for my friend. I am pumped about Jesus.
The Pharisees scrutinized Jesus for hanging out with people who were "unacceptable." They scrutinized Him for hanging out in places that seemed unfit for a man of God to be. If I hadn't gone to that bar tonight, that conversation would not have happened. But that's a comfortable place for my friend to talk and be honest. It's not about me. It's about Christ, and about furthering His kingdom.
I also had a lovely time with my Daddy today. I am blessed with two, wonderful, loving parents. And the parents I have gained from their remarriages is pretty insane as well; I know that they all love me so much. I love them so much as well.
I might be heading back to Pigeon Forge this weekend. One of my good friends is going through something that is really difficult, and I want to serve her with love during it. "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2
Movin' On Up
The idea of this journey was wonderful, and I have loved my time in FL so far. But I like my structure, I like being able to have an exercise routine, and a dietary "schedule." And I like working toward something. These are all things that are important for me. So I am ready to move.
However, I am grateful, sooo grateful, for this time to which God called me. I have been able to slow down, relax a bit, process things I need to process, reflect, rest. The Lord has used this time to start preparing me.
I'll be moving next month. Well, I might start the moving process next week. I have a dear friend who owns a house in Nashville and is willing to let me rent a room by the week, at a very reasonable price. I will rent by the week because I will be in Cincinnati for at least a week or two, and I don't want to have to pay a full month's rent somewhere that I am only living for 1/2 the month. After Lauren's wedding, I will search for a more permanent place.
Please pray that I keep myself open to God's voice as He leads me to ministry opportunities. I am praying for a community of Believers with whom I can share in deep fellowship. I am praying for a community in which we are able to lift each other up in truth and love. I am also praying for opportunities to serve. I pray that I am able to totally surrender myself - what people think of me, what I think of other people, what might seem enticing, whatever it might be - so that I may serve God by serving others in a real, necessary way. Again, it's not about me.
However, I am grateful, sooo grateful, for this time to which God called me. I have been able to slow down, relax a bit, process things I need to process, reflect, rest. The Lord has used this time to start preparing me.
I'll be moving next month. Well, I might start the moving process next week. I have a dear friend who owns a house in Nashville and is willing to let me rent a room by the week, at a very reasonable price. I will rent by the week because I will be in Cincinnati for at least a week or two, and I don't want to have to pay a full month's rent somewhere that I am only living for 1/2 the month. After Lauren's wedding, I will search for a more permanent place.
Please pray that I keep myself open to God's voice as He leads me to ministry opportunities. I am praying for a community of Believers with whom I can share in deep fellowship. I am praying for a community in which we are able to lift each other up in truth and love. I am also praying for opportunities to serve. I pray that I am able to totally surrender myself - what people think of me, what I think of other people, what might seem enticing, whatever it might be - so that I may serve God by serving others in a real, necessary way. Again, it's not about me.
Flexibility For A Change of Plans
So I am supposed to head to TN on Friday. Through prayer, I've decided to stay a few extra days. I'll have more time to spend with family (blood and non), and it'll be less stressful for me. I don't really want to go to that audition in Nashville, so I'm not going to. There's no point. : )
I went to a wonderful Bible study today, I went to a wonderful Bible study Wednesday, and I'm looking forward to even more fellowship.
I have started (and need to finish) applying to grad school. I will seek an MA in Biblical Counseling. And I'm excited about it. It's one of the few things that I know I should do in the next year. The school is Luther Rice University and Seminary, but I will be doing all of my studies online. I will not be on campus at all, and it only takes a year to complete. I'm pretty stoked.
The Lord has been revealing wonderful signs of the next few steps approaching on my path. But I'm grateful to just be resting for a little bit. : )
Even so, I do look forward to having a permanent place where I can keep spices, ingredients, and utensils to cook for myself and friends. And I look forward to the potential of a normal life in which I actually can do those things...as opposed to cooking on Sunday, and eating that food for dinner during the rest of week because of being at a theater for dinner.
I've visited a few places that played a part in my past, in my days of following the flesh. And it's neat to see the fruit that Christ has produced in me since then. I no longer have a love for the things my flesh loved, and that's quite a reason to praise God. I don't remember consciously trying to change specific desires that have changed - it's pure evidence of God's word.
Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow. Selah.
I went to a wonderful Bible study today, I went to a wonderful Bible study Wednesday, and I'm looking forward to even more fellowship.
I have started (and need to finish) applying to grad school. I will seek an MA in Biblical Counseling. And I'm excited about it. It's one of the few things that I know I should do in the next year. The school is Luther Rice University and Seminary, but I will be doing all of my studies online. I will not be on campus at all, and it only takes a year to complete. I'm pretty stoked.
The Lord has been revealing wonderful signs of the next few steps approaching on my path. But I'm grateful to just be resting for a little bit. : )
Even so, I do look forward to having a permanent place where I can keep spices, ingredients, and utensils to cook for myself and friends. And I look forward to the potential of a normal life in which I actually can do those things...as opposed to cooking on Sunday, and eating that food for dinner during the rest of week because of being at a theater for dinner.
I've visited a few places that played a part in my past, in my days of following the flesh. And it's neat to see the fruit that Christ has produced in me since then. I no longer have a love for the things my flesh loved, and that's quite a reason to praise God. I don't remember consciously trying to change specific desires that have changed - it's pure evidence of God's word.
Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow. Selah.
Thirteen becomes Twenty-seven
Micah got off work much earlier than expected yesterday, so I went to his house, packed all of our stuff as he took Amy (Michael's - Micah's roommate who was ill girlfriend) to the store really quickly.
We took off, he admitted to not be feeling so hot himself. He went to sleep as I drove, hoping to feel better. Well...he woke up and shortly thereafter informed me that we needed to pull over. He got very sick at a gas station and then said he felt better. He slept a little more and then woke up for some more sick time. I stopped at a hotel, at which point he decided that he needed to go to the hospital. Stomach flus are significantly more dangerous for him than the common individual due to his diabetes. So we went to the ER. They gave him some fluids, nausea med's, and eventually sent us on our way. We went back to the hotel and stayed there until this morning, and then decided to head out.
We're safely in FL now. Poor Micah experienced such a terrible trip. But he did get to sleep almost the entire trip, so that's good. I am super tired, but am glad I was there.
Please continue to pray for me, as I am often so tempted to focus on those things which are temporary. And I put myself in the center. It's not about me.
Love.
We took off, he admitted to not be feeling so hot himself. He went to sleep as I drove, hoping to feel better. Well...he woke up and shortly thereafter informed me that we needed to pull over. He got very sick at a gas station and then said he felt better. He slept a little more and then woke up for some more sick time. I stopped at a hotel, at which point he decided that he needed to go to the hospital. Stomach flus are significantly more dangerous for him than the common individual due to his diabetes. So we went to the ER. They gave him some fluids, nausea med's, and eventually sent us on our way. We went back to the hotel and stayed there until this morning, and then decided to head out.
We're safely in FL now. Poor Micah experienced such a terrible trip. But he did get to sleep almost the entire trip, so that's good. I am super tired, but am glad I was there.
Please continue to pray for me, as I am often so tempted to focus on those things which are temporary. And I put myself in the center. It's not about me.
Love.
I am a servant
Love God.
Love others.
"Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Matthew 22:37-38)
"And this is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." (1 John 3:16)
In this time of "wandering," I am confident that it is to be a season of complete and intense servanthood. How, where and who can I serve? It's not a matter of God dragging me along the servant's path. He has put the passion in me, and I am joyful to serve! In March, I'll be serving Lars and her sister with the wedding, and whoever else needs the blessing of a servant. Of this plan, I am quite confident. And I'm grateful. I love the idea of being offstage, in the background - this is very new for me...but so desired! I want to focus on Christ, and His focus is on loving His children.
In my quality time with God today, I started thinking about just resting and smiling with Jesus when there's nothing to actively do, as opposed to sitting and studying with the anxiously repeated question, "What can I do for you? What can I do for you? What do you want me to do for you?" Can you imagine dating or marrying someone who was constantly consumed with worry of what they can do for you? I envisioned that, and my reaction would be to eventually just stop responding to them, close up. I just want to enjoy your company, and for you to enjoy mine. If I ask for something, or if there's something that will obviously bless me, then I will be so delighted for the service. And I know that it blesses God to have His children served because of His love. Since I am so tickled by His love, when I see someone in need, I want to let Him move in me and offer, not force, a loving hand. What a gift to have been created in His own image, that we may understand His teaching.
Micah and I wrote a few songs last night (with Michael's help), and I think they're really pretty. I hope I am right. haha. I met Michael's cute girlfriend, Amy (Aurora), and she put makeup on him. It was simply amusing, quite endearing. I went and listened to Caleb play at a bar/club called The Tin Roof, where I had never been before. It was definitely an experience. I think I would enjoy going to bars like that more often, with one or two (or 20) other believers, just to talk and pray - be it silently or together. Not prayers of condemnation, but prayers for many of the people there who are desperately searching for peace and hope, prayers that God will reveal Himself to them so that they may be free. Beautiful people.
Headed to FL today. We appreciate all prayers for safety, but above all, I welcome and praise God's will being done.
Love others.
"Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Matthew 22:37-38)
"And this is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." (1 John 3:16)
In this time of "wandering," I am confident that it is to be a season of complete and intense servanthood. How, where and who can I serve? It's not a matter of God dragging me along the servant's path. He has put the passion in me, and I am joyful to serve! In March, I'll be serving Lars and her sister with the wedding, and whoever else needs the blessing of a servant. Of this plan, I am quite confident. And I'm grateful. I love the idea of being offstage, in the background - this is very new for me...but so desired! I want to focus on Christ, and His focus is on loving His children.
In my quality time with God today, I started thinking about just resting and smiling with Jesus when there's nothing to actively do, as opposed to sitting and studying with the anxiously repeated question, "What can I do for you? What can I do for you? What do you want me to do for you?" Can you imagine dating or marrying someone who was constantly consumed with worry of what they can do for you? I envisioned that, and my reaction would be to eventually just stop responding to them, close up. I just want to enjoy your company, and for you to enjoy mine. If I ask for something, or if there's something that will obviously bless me, then I will be so delighted for the service. And I know that it blesses God to have His children served because of His love. Since I am so tickled by His love, when I see someone in need, I want to let Him move in me and offer, not force, a loving hand. What a gift to have been created in His own image, that we may understand His teaching.
Micah and I wrote a few songs last night (with Michael's help), and I think they're really pretty. I hope I am right. haha. I met Michael's cute girlfriend, Amy (Aurora), and she put makeup on him. It was simply amusing, quite endearing. I went and listened to Caleb play at a bar/club called The Tin Roof, where I had never been before. It was definitely an experience. I think I would enjoy going to bars like that more often, with one or two (or 20) other believers, just to talk and pray - be it silently or together. Not prayers of condemnation, but prayers for many of the people there who are desperately searching for peace and hope, prayers that God will reveal Himself to them so that they may be free. Beautiful people.
Headed to FL today. We appreciate all prayers for safety, but above all, I welcome and praise God's will being done.
Through...I died to...
"For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God." (Galatians 2:19)
I like to translate it to: "For through the law, I have died to striving for justification, so that Christ might live through me."
"I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)
I am always taken by God's sweetest, whispered reminders of the truth in which He wants to me walk. Christ fulfilled that law so that we may be free from the struggle for perfection. Instead, we can simply do nothing but enjoy Him, enjoy His word. As for the work, He has it taken care of. He is the best time manager.
"I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing" (Galatians 2:21)
I revel in the peace that God works out in me, as He I willingly allow Him to fill me more and more.
I like to translate it to: "For through the law, I have died to striving for justification, so that Christ might live through me."
"I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)
I am always taken by God's sweetest, whispered reminders of the truth in which He wants to me walk. Christ fulfilled that law so that we may be free from the struggle for perfection. Instead, we can simply do nothing but enjoy Him, enjoy His word. As for the work, He has it taken care of. He is the best time manager.
"I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing" (Galatians 2:21)
I revel in the peace that God works out in me, as He I willingly allow Him to fill me more and more.
I meant to order decaf
I'm sitting at one of my favorite spots in Nashville. I got a double iced latte, and forgot to order decaf...but i paid for it, and i'm going to drink it. : ) Jesus has got this, I'm honestly not impressed by my heart "condition."
So here I am, unaware of what each day will be. It's definitely freeing. And I'm looking to dive into even more of the freedom that Christ is offering, of which I get to just allow. Grace.
I spent the evening with Kate McKee - a friend of 9 years, and spent time with Jessica at Kate's. Jessica - friend of 13 years. It was a beautiful time of truth, laughter, and so much love. Grace.
I went to Jackson's before going to Kate's, and I had a time full of various colors and shapes with John Ross (no, i don't mean drugs, just the way life goes in my mind) - friend of 1.5 years, and a true brother at heart. Grace.
Please be praying that the Lord will be so gracious as to shut out all the white noise, so that I may hear Him as He leads me along, so that my journey may be one of loving, true testimony, and spiritual inspiration for myself and everyone with whom I come into contact. As for money, God knows from where it will come as I keep on.
"Thank you, Jesus, that you know every step you want us to take. I praise you for who You are, and in You I put all hope. Your name is power, strength and peace. Thank you for your grace by which, among other things, I am able to lift up this praise. Amen."
So here I am, unaware of what each day will be. It's definitely freeing. And I'm looking to dive into even more of the freedom that Christ is offering, of which I get to just allow. Grace.
I spent the evening with Kate McKee - a friend of 9 years, and spent time with Jessica at Kate's. Jessica - friend of 13 years. It was a beautiful time of truth, laughter, and so much love. Grace.
I went to Jackson's before going to Kate's, and I had a time full of various colors and shapes with John Ross (no, i don't mean drugs, just the way life goes in my mind) - friend of 1.5 years, and a true brother at heart. Grace.
Please be praying that the Lord will be so gracious as to shut out all the white noise, so that I may hear Him as He leads me along, so that my journey may be one of loving, true testimony, and spiritual inspiration for myself and everyone with whom I come into contact. As for money, God knows from where it will come as I keep on.
"Thank you, Jesus, that you know every step you want us to take. I praise you for who You are, and in You I put all hope. Your name is power, strength and peace. Thank you for your grace by which, among other things, I am able to lift up this praise. Amen."
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