Birthday List

I am keeping track of all the things I'd love as birthday gifts.

Birthday Wish List

Hand mixer

Kitchen shelf (a la Micah)

Glass bakeware set with lids

Trip to Chicago!!!

Gramma's Carrot Cake Recipe

Gramma's Chicken Soup Recipe

New Girl Seasons

DancEast dance card

Start of Hope Nashville

Dave Ramsey School

Christ in me. I in Christ.

I want what You want, Jesus!  I want to care for only the things about which You care!
I do love performing!  I do love acting.  I do love singing.  I do love dancing.
I do want to perform.  I do want to write music that I love.  I do want to sing with my husband.
I do want to write musicals.  I do want to collaborate with other people who are just as passionate as I am, as Christ is!

I believe that I love performing because Jesus loves performing in me.  I believe that He loves acting, and singing, and dancing in me.  I do believe that He wants to perform in me.  I believe that He wants to write music in/through me, to sing with Micah in me, to write musical, collaborate...in me!  And I in Him.  If it isn't what He wants, then I accept a change in my wants.

Christ in me.  I in Christ.

I want to breathe in every moment that I am given.  I want to explore the many places that I can explore.  I want to take advantage of every moment of fellowship that I possibly can.  I want to be fixated on what is Good and Holy and True at all times.  I want eternal focus.  I have it.  I want to use it!

Christ in me.  I in Christ.

Christ doesn't need ME

Micah and I went to a gathering of believers the other night.  The fellow who sort of leads the group asked two main questions.  The second question was something like, "What gets in our way of sharing the glory of the Kingdom of God?"

We discussed this question.  I shared that my biggest struggles are wanting to please people (i.e. not offend, avoid making someone uncomfortable...), thus not trusting Christ to be the ultimate ruler that He is, just trusting Him to say whatever He wants to say.  What I didn't say is that He is also trustworthy for what He DOESN'T want to say.  Whether or not we say what is on our mind any given moment, we can always trust that it is Christ in us (us in Christ) who permits and prohibits words, actions, thoughts, encounters, etc.

Micah had some beautiful, biblically inarguable thoughts that he chose to share with me once we left the group (which I really loved).  He respected what I had to say, and agreed with thoughts I had...though he put them so much more simply and honestly.  He said, "Just don't worry about it.  I don't know what people want me to say.  It's not about saying anything about God, it's about loving people.  Just love them....I might be forgetting, but I can't remember one instance in the Bible when Jesus just walked up to someone and started talking to them about God from out of nowhere.  He loved people, and when they asked, He would usually answer with a parable that said nothing about the word, 'God,' but would lead to a lesson about God's kingdom."  And Micah is right.

Granted, the apostles did go places just to say, "I am here to tell you about Jesus of Nazareth..." but we also might take note that not every single Christian/disciple travelled with the apostles.  Many stayed in their homes, maybe putting on plays...or feeding their brothers and sisters.  I do know that they sold everything in order to send the apostles on their evangelistic journeys (references can definitely be found in the book of Acts).  I have a feeling that they did not worry about it.  I have a feeling that they did not sit around (for the most part), wrecking their brains over what they should/shouldn't say to someone about Jesus.  They simply gave everything of themselves.  Even when Paul wrote to his brothers and sisters who were living according to their flesh, he never said, "Welp, you're screwed.  You're going to hell."  While he did tell them very honestly about the sinful behavior among them, he also encouraged them in faith.

So I've thought about that question over the past few days, thinking over what Micah said, what the others shared, and what I shared. I hadn't gotten a satisfying, one-word answer that I was desiring.  This morning, the Spirit has so mercifully reminded me that the biggest obstacle I face in sharing the glory of God's Kingdom....is ME.  Here are some thoughts we all shared (most people recognized, without assistance from others in the group, that the idea wasn't necessary because God is beyond our ideas):

I feel like I have to be relevant.  People need to think I am cool enough so that if I mention God, He will seem more appealing.

I feel like I have to make the idea of Christ more palatable.

I don't trust Jesus enough.

I don't give him enough of my time.

I don't want to offend people.

When I replace the words, "I/my" with Christ (Galatians 2:20), I realize how humorous our ideas sound.  I am actually laughing at the reasons I gave because it is just funny!  Christ trusts Himself/the Father plenty.  Christ went the ULTIMATE length to please people!  I will refer to the relevant answer because that one resonated in all of us.  Christ is the most relevant entity in the world.  He is LOVE.  There is absolutely nothing more relevant than Love.  Everyone wants love.  The most popular songs are written about it.  Jewelry businesses makes tons of money from it.  Our economy thrives on it because of dates and family vacations.  The list goes on and on...

Therefore, I am the biggest obstacle I face in sharing the glory of the kingdom.  No longer I but Christ (G2.20).  With eyes on Jesus and the selflessness of His love, there is no obstacle.  He is trustworthy, He is good, and He knows all.  He works all things for the good of those who love Him!  This is Good News!  It doesn't matter if we are studying for a test, putting on makeup for a show, driving to work, eating a donut, on the elliptical, standing in front of a thousand people proclaiming the gospel, playing with children...each moment is a moment He has given, and each step is part of the journey He has made for us.  It is particular to YOU, mine is to ME.  I desire to thank Him for every step of the way and say, "Wow...this is a road that you have paved just for me!  Because it is the perfect path for me!  Because you LOVE me that much.  Thank you.  I can never return the gift, but I accept it and choose to enjoy it abundantly!"

Free to Be

You know, the struggles that are so abhorred by my conservative brothers and sisters, are struggles caused by a lifetime of rejection--perceived or outright.  Then, "in the name of (a gracious, loving) God," we use conservative judgments to stab the wounds of rejection deeper, which only pushes our hurting brothers and sisters further and further away from a belief of Hope.  Without Hope, there is no possibility of change, preceded by healing.  We often just choose to be impressed by the lie that our deeply wounded brothers and sisters have come to believe, rather than accepting them in their state of hurt, and helping them see the truth about who God says they are.  This fact makes me hurt.  Our brothers and sisters' behavior is not our responsibility.  Our responsibility is to "love God" and "love peeople."  Those are the commands that, if we love Him, we will follow, according to Him.

The fact of the matter is that when Jesus was physically on earth, He did not choose to gather with the religious leaders who were so well educated, who were so certain of their greatness by intellect/studies.  In fact, those are the ones He rebuked.  His specific words said that He did not come to earth for those who are not in need of a doctor, but those who are sick.  And if it is so "sick" (as I have heard so many people refer to certain struggles) that people become addicted to drugs, alcohol, food, starvation, homosexuality, money, self-pity, gossip, sex, drama, another human being…then it seems to me that Christ came for them just as much as those of us who hide sin so well!  And it seems to me that, as we choose to condemn and ridicule those with obvious imperfections, we are merely behaving as the Pharisees behaved.  If we really want to get down to the nitty gritty, when we compare the outcasts of Jesus' time to the outcasts of our time, we would see that Jesus WOULD be in the HOMES of those who are in same sex relationships, addicted to alcohol, addicted to extreme substances, food, starvation, diets, money, self-pity, etc…and He would simply be loving them.

It frees us to stand back and realize that no one of us is greater than the next.  It frees us to accept people just as they are.  It frees us to trust God with ALL things, including all people's (including ourselves') struggles, quirks, mishaps.  When we stand in front of someone and judge that they are unworthy of our acceptance because of one quirk, we are standing in front of the tax collectors and demon-possessed, the prostitutes of Jesus' time and saying, "How dare you think you're worthy of God's love and grace."  It's about that time that Jesus would walk up to speak love and forgiveness to those people.  THAT was when lives were changed.  We can allow Christ in us to walk up speak love and forgiveness to the hurting.  That, still, is when lives are changed.

"Do you believe," Jesus asked the man whose daughter was dead.

"I believe with my head…"

"You must also believe with your heart."

"Yes, I believe."

Jesus spoke gently and with power. The girl jumped up, alive.

We are free to trust.  We are free to believe.  We are free to love.

"Thank you, Jesus."

End of the Rope

"I'm falling on my knees, offering all of me.  Jesus, you're all this heart is living for."

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."

God is not only calling me to surrender my rights, and give up on my own resources, but forcing me to get to that place.  Isn't that awesome?  I look at job situations, and I think, "I have to make more money..."  He knows that.  He knows what I need.  He will provide at the absolute, perfect moment.  I'm so grateful.

Here I am, on my knees, ready to float in Your hands, into the next chapter that is full and what you have planned.  "...offering all of me."  Isn't it amazing, how we can so easily be deceived into leaning on our own understanding?  It's phenomenal.

"When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, Thou hast moved me to say, 'It is well, it is well with my soul!"

Hallelujah.

Relationship.

I know that there are people who look down on Micah's and my relationship.  I can honestly say that I am okay with that.  I am grateful for a loving God, who pursues both of us exactly as we are, and His glory is being carried out in our relationship.

I've heard, "A [significant other] ought to make you want to be the best person you can be," or
                 "A [significant other] ought to make want to be a better person."
                 "A [significant other] ought to make you a better person."
                 "A [significant other] is meant to make you more like Jesus."

Now, if looking at all these things together, it makes sense.  The best I can be, it's like Jesus.  A better person...well, Jesus was the best person.  However, it's not the significant other who has the work to ever change anything about us, how we function.  Only God has the power to do that.

I am blessed.  I have been grateful for Micah's imperfections because they urge me to deeper reliance upon my Abba.  Just as Jesus has the same nature as the Father but did not act apart from His Father's lead, so I am formed to be.  If I try to accept and control Micah's perfections and/or imperfections by my own power, I will become depressed, irritable, miserable, and quite repulsive to Micah.  Therefore, his imperfections move my heart to even greater relationship, humility, and gratitude.

Even so, I have been wanting to be so full of God's power for Micah--so strong and without weakness.  But I am blessed that Micah is such a gentle, understanding man.  By a conversation Micah and I had the other day, the Spirit was so sweet to let me understand that my imperfections are good for our relationship too!  "Give thanks in all circumstances..."  Not only do Micah's imperfections allow me to constantly enter into a place of humble worship, but my imperfections bid Micah become more like Christ as well!

"Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay his life down for his friends." John 15.13
As I am openly honest with Micah about my weaknesses, he accepts the call to deny himself for my gain. That is love.  And it is love given by our perfect, heavenly Father.

Lessons I'm learning in my new journey as an exchanged life counselor:

KEEP IT SIMPLE, SILLY!  I like to try and put all of the information into one, big explanation of one of the components within the diagrams I'll be using.  One step at a time.  Keep each explanation as simple as possible.  I don't have to be clever, it just matters that I allow God to provide the most basic and clear explanation of each step.

When someone has read the wheel and line "summary" and immediately has questions, it is best for me to suggest that they think about it, pray about it, and keep any questions for when we meet together.  I had a friend call with questions, and I realized that they were immaterial before talking with him in detail.  He was trying to assume the data without accepting the already drawn conclusion.

Christ is my first love.  I am committed to helping others discover this truth.  Therefore, I am willing to give of my time and energy.  However, I do not want to neglect Micah in the process.  I must daily surrender my time to God so that He may perfectly manage it.

It is okay for me to want to share this with specific people.  Father will provide the people who want/need to hear this message.  Jesus' trust in me can trust the Father's provision.  Jesus will also trust the Spirit to illumine hearts in His timing, and that it will be perfect.

Oh man, I am eager to see God work in lives through this!!